Somee Saturday!

I have instituted my very first weekly day of fun!  Check back here for original Someecards every Saturday!  (Or at least all the Saturdays I remember to do them;)  Also…in case there are any other wise-acres out there who feel the need to point out that it's "Some ecards" not "Somee cards", my husband already beat you to it, and I keeping it anyway! :P

If you have a funny picture or Someecard, send it in!  The system is simple.  Make me smile, get on my blog!  Hope to hear from you soon!

Today

     I have simply entitled this post 'Today" because it lacks any common theme I can identify, other than, well, this was our day:)

     I woke-up to Emma calling that she had poopied.  That is almost every day and could mean anything from, "I have actually poopied", to "my pull-up is wet", to "I just want to get up".  Today it meant, "I have taken all my cloths out of 3 of my dresser drawers, found panties, replaced my pull-up and pee'd all over the bed!"  So we started the morning with a bath!  (Ps.  The fact that she can now, without question, unlock her closet and is following in her sister's footsteps, is a tragedy beyond belief for me and I just don't quite have the strength to write about it yet!)

     Abbie joined Emma in the bathtub, and I was working right outside in the hallway when I heard Abbie tell Emma, "Come on!  Can you do this for me?! When you stand-up, it means you're human and you spill water into the sea!"  To this, Emma replied, "I did it!".  Then Abbie, encouraged at the step forward in defining what it means to be human, said, "Now spill it into the sea!"

     Shortly thereafter, I was working in the room next to them and I heard Emma calling, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY".  So I run into the bathroom and ask her what she needs, only to be told that she is pretending the little play rake in her hand is her Mommy, and that I am not needed.  I go back to what I am doing, but still have to listen to my name being called incessantly.  I hope you are not missing the fact that when SHE is the one pretending to be the mommy, she absolutely refuses to answer herself.  No matter how fast or intensely she calls herself.  On further reflection, I have decided that might not be a bad practice to adopt, though I am very afraid I lack her determination!

     Later, the girls were in the MIDDLE of EATING their lunch.  Abbie wandered over to me, and asked, "Mommy, did you say it was dinner time yet?!"  She then proceeded to ask if we could have, "the little food" for dinner.  And when I was unsure of what the "little food" was, she said, with some irritation at my lack of universal knowledge, "Mac and Cheese Mommy!".  

Just Cute:)

     Emma, our 2 year old, got to pick TWO pieces of Halloween candy out after dinner tonight, (a big deal here.  I mention this so that you will know what a wonderful parent I truly am, while seemingly just giving a necessary piece of information. :)  She had this little dum dum pop and kept throwing her fist out and saying, "The BEST thing EVER, the BEST thing EVER".
     I think the sugar has firmly taken hold now, as she is at this minute, maniacally laughing and chasing Abbie, her 4 year old sister, all over the house.  Abbie, in response, has shut herself in the bathroom, only coming out to taunt her sister, before again making her escape to safety.  I think it is officially 5 minutes to bedtime.  Good luck everyone!  May all the parents be winners tonight!

An Introduction to the Art of Invention

     This morning, Abbie attached a bag to the end of an old graduation honor cord and said, "Look Mom!  Look what I did!"  I said, "Great!", and she said, "Yes, it's a swinging purse".  This put me in mind of the other "inventions" Abbie has come up with.  I guarantee I am not going to remember all of them, (anyone who knows Abbie would readily admit this to be an impossibility).  However, here are some of the highlights.  In fact, today, I think I will just share Abbie's booklet on how to construct a home playground in your bedroom.

1.  The Teeter-Totter Bed

     This invention hinges on the presence of a bed that has a rounded foot board as well as a rounded head board.  It is also best if it is plastic with a metal frame.  Abbie prefers pink, but probably feels it would work with other colors as well.  However, with this simple purchase, the Teeter-Totter Bed can be yours.
     Instructions for use:  Remove toddler mattress from bed.  Flip bed over completely.  Jump on top of the bed slats and totter away!  Bed will naturally rock back and forth because of the advantageous rounding of the head and foot board.  But it does take a visionary to see that, so don't feel bad.

2.  The In-Room Slide

     For this product, you will need the heaviest cube bookcase/dresser Ikea makes, (which is a lot heavier than the brand "Ikea" leads you to believe), and one toddler mattress.
     Instructions for use:  Take all drawers out of the bookcase/dresser and empty your cloths all over the floor.  It works best if you scramble them as much as possible.  Scatter across the floor to create a soft landing area.  Push dresser over onto it's side.  If you are 3 years old, your parents aren't going to think this is possible, because the night before you told them that your plastic dinner plate was way too heavy to carry from the table to the counter.  But you know that has been simple posturing and you have been concealing your strength for just such a moment as this.  Grab the mattress you discarded in the first project and prop it up onto the dresser, creating the perfect slide angle.  Make sure that a good pile of cloths surrounds the slide on all sides to break any intended or unintended exits from the slide before reaching the floor that may occur.

3.  The Free Jump

     You need nothing additional for this piece of playground equipment.  In fact, you already assembled it in project three.  In case you hadn't thought of it, the slide also makes a great high surface to jump off of.  And since you have already scattered your cloths around the room, you have a great surface to land on.

4.  The Closet Jungle Gym

     I guarantee you already have what you need for this one.  Gaining access will be your only issue.  Abbie prefers to use the bookcase/dressser for this activity, when it is not in use as a slide/free jump.
     Instructions:  Push the bookcase/dresser into the open closet.  Empty all hangers.  Empty all contents of hangers.  These will be used for a different series of projects, some experiments with free-form art. But it's good to have them ready at this stage.  Plus, more padding for the floor.  Now you are ready.  Not only does this give you something to climb all around on, it gives you access, if you are brave enough, to the entire closet.  Even those shelves near the ceiling that have been off-limits.

     And that gives you a good base to start from.  Please remember that any surface can be used for free jumping.  Rocking chairs, side tables, truly anything.  Feel free to mix it up.  Next time we visit Abbie's workshop, we will be covering free-form art that can be created using seemingly harmless, normal objects you currently have in your room.  We will also deal with the pesky topic of storage, "What do do when you just can't find enough space."  We hope you join us!

Southern Manners

     Our dear southern friends watched our girls for us last night, (the greatest gift one person can give a parent, in case you are looking for any holiday gift ideas!).  I have come to the conclusion that these little people we made are kind-of geniuses.  They are apparently capable of tailoring their funniness to the individual.  Case in point.....
     Abbie was happily choosing a movie to watch after dinner. (And yes, your right.  We do watch TV a lot.  And no, in case you were wondering, I am not concerned about it lowering their intelligence.  In fact, that's why we do it.  They are already catching up with us and we are in daily danger of having to just admit defeat and turn over the keys.  This is probably the only thing that still gives us the edge.)  As she was concentrating on this most important of choices, she backed-up and stepped on Mr. James' foot.  She immediately said, "Oh, sorry."  To which Mr. James immediately said, "It's ok Abbie, no problem".  Miss Susan, being a true southern lady, immediately complimented Abbie on her lovely manners.  Emma, not wanting to be unrecognized where credit was clearly due, immediately went over, stomped on Mr. James foot, and said, "Sorry Mr. James!"
   
     Also, Emma just bit the inside of her mouth, and because we have done just a little too good a job on the, "let me kiss it and make it better" thing, she basically made me french kiss her so that the magic healing could occur.  Lol.  Happy Thursday everyone!

3am

3am- No other information needed!

"Knock, knock, knock"

Daddy- "What is it Abbie?"

A- "I'm being careful with the scissors."

D- "Why do you have scissors?"

A- "I dont have scissors."

D- "Do you have scissors in your room?"

A- "No"

D- "Do you have scissors in your hand?"

A-"No"

D- "Do you have scissors anywhere?"

A- "No"

D- "Then what are you talking about?"

A- "No no no. I'm being careful with the scissors when I used them with Aunt Maggie". (Two days ago).

D- "Go to sleep Abbie.  Go to sleep."

Parenting Test #1

It's 5:15am last week and my child is screaming. Is it because:
a) She is actively dying 
b) She is in imminent danger 
c) She has developed a sudden and overwhelmingly urgent need for her Belle dress to be immediately in her possession while you call her "Ariel" and only "Ariel"?

Quality Dinner Conversation

     Abbie asked me two questions at dinner tonight.  They were good questions.  She asked me if I had ever, "tried to eat a goose", (to which I said no), and she then decided that, yes, she would like to try eating one for Christmas.
     She also asked me why we have to keep our food on the table when we are eating it.  Though I did my best to fake it, in classic parental style, I don't think I really had a good answer as to why your fork full of chicken can't rest on your chair between bites.
      And for all you parents who are saying, "Seriously, you got away with only being asked two questions during all of dinner?"  You got me.  It's never just two questions, now is it?!

Why Yes, I Am In The Bathroom....

     You know they know.  The INSTANT you go into the bathroom...they know....oh, they know.

The scene:  Our bedroom

The action: Walked into the bathroom.  Abbie, (our four year old), instantly materializes outside the door.

A- "Mommy??  Mommy??? Mommy??"
M- "Yes Abbie"
A- "Where are you?"
M- "I'm in the bathroom"
A- "It's time for a bath, I can't wait any longer"
M- "Yes, it is time for a bath. You can take it as soon as I'm out of the bathroom"
A- "Ok....I will wait right here"
M- "Ok"
A- "I am going to talk"
M- "Ok"
A- "By singing a song"
M-"Ok"
A- "About flowers"
M- "Ok"
A- "Flaaa la lum la squizalla, Flowers, Flowers, Fla lum alala flaaaa"
A-  "Mommy, I forgot my blanket"
M- "Ok"
A-"I'm going to go get it!"
M- "Ok"
A- "I'm back with my blanket"
M- "Good"
A- "Are you still in there?"
M-  "Yes"
A- ((Begins talking to self))  "Come on.  Be cool, be cool!  Come on Emma, you can do it!" (Verdict out on why she uses her sister's name in these situations.  Will update as information becomes available)
A- "Are you done yet"
M- "No".

And the score is:
Peaceful or even private alone time in the bathroom 6
Children 5, 678


And this just in:
In the bath with her sister, (as promised, I might add!)

A- "Emma hit me"
M-  "Emma tell your sister your sorry"
E- "Sorry"
M-  "Honey, don't hit your sister"
A- "Cause she might turn into a beast just like the prince turned into a beast?"

Have a great day everyone.  May all your stories be funny!  (At the very least in retrospect!)

Emma vs Dinner

Emma honestly needs to work in national security.  If she decided she wasn't going to tell you something, that's it.  I don't care what you did to her.  With Abbie, the old, "two more bites and you get a cupcake" thing always, eventually worked.  Abbie caved.   Never once, in the history of Emma has she given in to the cupcake pressure.  And she WANTS a cupcake.

Like tonight, here's how a grilled cheese sandwich negotiation played out:

1.  Emma, (our 2 year old),  eats a tiny bite of each sandwich triangle, spitting most of it out.

2.  Mommy breaks off a bite-sized piece and hands it to Emma.  Emma eats an unseeable amount and hands it back.

3.  Emma states that the sandwich is:
- Icky
- "PU"
- Stinky (showing her regard for my ability to understand what words mean)
- Wet

4.  Emma feeds her sandwich to the dog

That's it.  That's all there was!  She even helped DECORATE the cupcakes.  During the stand-off.  Just standing there, starring at the glistening chocolate glaze.  Did the child blink?  Did she even consider a different course of action?  NO!

And it's not even that she just has a great defense.  The child has a killer offense.  The conflict initiated because she skipped over to me like a little fairy, leaned against my knee, stuck her bum out, put her hand on her hip, batted her mile-long eyelashes and said, "cupcake?!"

All I can say is, "good luck, mortal enemy and/or future husband, good luck".  :) 

Just A Teaser

     "So", you may ask, "what makes your kids so special that I should waste my valuable, wasting time on the internet time, on coming to read about them".  AWWWW, so glad you asked!!!!.....

     Well, to be honest, I have no idea what makes them so special.  They just came that way.  :P  However, I do feel I owe you something in the way of back-story proof as to why you MIGHT just end up with a smile on your face if you come by to visit.  Therefore, may I present, some of Abbie's greatest quotes, at least from the past couple weeks!  We have only recently stumbled upon the Rosetta Stone that unlocked Emma's language world, so stay tuned....man, does she talk a lot!

The Scene:  Walking into a public restroom.  The cleanest, by the way, that I have ever seen

The Players:  Abbie (A)

                      Mommy (M)

The Action: Abbie enters with Mommy, surveying the scene, giving everything a thorough going over

The Dialog: A- "Well, this is just horrific!!!"

                    M- Has nothing, literally nothing

The Scene:  The kitchen, regular dinner hour

The Players: Abbie (A)

                     Mommy (M)

The Dialog: M- "Abbie, what do you want to drink for dinner"

                    A- "I PROPOSE....((dramatic pause))....that I will have lemonade"

The Scene:  The pediatric ER, second visit in two weeks

The Players: Abbie (A)

                     Mommy (M)

                     Daddy (D)

                     Emma (E)

The Action:  Everyone is sitting around, waiting for the doctor.  The nurse has already come in, recognized us and laughed, because, well, we were here two weeks ago....for a bead....in Abbie's ear....that they couldn't get out!  We are now here because.....there is a bead....in Abbie's nose...which, for the record, is not her disobeying because your nose is most definitely not your ear!

The Dialog: M- "Abbie, honey, it's not that fun for Mommy and Daddy to keep bringing you here, you know?  Mommy had to leave work and Daddy had to get Emma all ready and bring you all here.  Don't you think you owe Daddy an apology for making him bring you here today?"

                   A- ((Big, deep breath, looks at Daddy)) "Well, I am sorry Daddy.  But for the record, I can have grilled cheese for dinner."

Airport Waiting Area

A- "Mommy, that lady is brown!  Why is she brown?"

Our airplane seat mate sits down next to us

A- "Mommy, he is big, he is so so big!"

In the kitchen, Abbie wants raw broccoli.  Mommy gives her a small piece

M- "Just see how you feel about that before I give you more"

A- "I feel terrible about it"

In the bathroom, end of a very long day, Abbie is kind-of whine yelling at Mommy.

M- "Abbie, it's not fun for Mommy when you yell at me"

A- "Mommy, I wasn't yelling at you.  I was yelling at myself"

M- "It felt like it was directed at me"

A- "No Mommy, it was directed at me!"

      I don't know if that is enough to keep you coming back, but I promise....more....so much more;)

A Guide to Putting a Two and Four Year Old to Bed

Put bedtime timer on and say “5 minutes to bedtime!”

Announce bedtime

Carry child upstairs after walking experiment failed

Change child’s cloths, or, more likely, undress so she can sleep naked

Brush teeth

Ask if she needs to go to the bathroom or get a drink

Hear her say she does not need a drink or to go to the bathroom

Prayers, Tuck In, Lights Out, Say Goodnight

Answer the question of “Can I have a drink of water” with yes

Answer the question of “Can I go to the bathroom” with yes, (for your own sake if nothing else)

Tell child to leave the bathroom and go to bed

Answer the question “Can I have another drink” with no

Answer the question “Why do people have tongues?” with “We will talk about it in the morning”

Answer the question, “Why can’t I have a pony” with “I’m not talking to you anymore til tomorrow!”

Hear the sound of running little feet

Yell up to the child to go to bed

Yell up to the child to go to bed

Yell up to the child to go to bed

Go upstairs and turn off the light, lock door from outside

Drink a glass of wine to the tune of a crying child

Fall asleep on the couch as the house finally goes silent 2 hours later

Repeat nightly

Dora Is Dead

This is exactly the argument Abbie used to try and override her sister's TV pick for the breakfast hour.

"It's my turn to choose!  It's my turn to choose!  I want Dora, I want Dora!" (Emma, literally every morning)

"Mommy, I think Dora is still dead" (Abbie....lol, new one.  Well played, older scheming sister.  Well played)

     This is a blog about two sisters, Abbie and Emma, and the fight their parents are loosing to stay one step ahead.

     I would like to dedicate this blog to Candace Watson, who absolutely refused to give up on nagging me to do this!